Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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