If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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