This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
