Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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