We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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