I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still have a little drunk in my system
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
