Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
