She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
