i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
