I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
this is an emotional support booty call
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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