OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
