I think I died a long time ago.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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