i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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