Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
