if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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