I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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