he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
