I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
