just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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