A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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