His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
