I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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