it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
