Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
