it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
