Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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