I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
