I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
