nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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