Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
