matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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