Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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