So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
