He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
