Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
