one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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