yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize