So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize