Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
