He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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