Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
