I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
