Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize