Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
