I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
