Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
