If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
