sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize