I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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