3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
