Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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