I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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