Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
