If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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