he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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