i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
