just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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