i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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