Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I puked a lego.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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