I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
