That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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