zippers are such a cool invention
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
