How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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