I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
